Friendship

I am blessed to have many wonderful friends. I know a large group of ladies who are strong, Godly, and fun women that I enjoy spending time with. But lately, I’ve been wondering how I can grow even deeper in these relationships. God created us to be relational, and we as women especially desire those personal connections. There are several reasons why I haven’t taken my friendships to a deeper level. One is time. We are all so busy, with our husbands, our kids, our jobs, our church and community activities, that it is difficult to carve out the time to connect deeply with other women. Another reason that I sometimes hold myself at arms’ length from others is fear. I’ve experienced betrayals of friendship in the past, and it is hard to break out of that self-protective mode. Lastly, like many other women, I suffer from a lack of self-confidence. I allow the enemy to convince me that I have nothing to add to the lives of others, so I withdraw.

This is hard for me to write, and put out there for others to see, but I am doing so in the hopes that I am not the only one struggling with this issue. Maybe my struggles can help somebody else who reads this today. I have a feeling that there are quite a few other women out there dealing with this same feeling of loneliness, even in the midst of a crowd.

What does God say about friendship? First, and most importantly, He wants us to be in relationship with Him. Jesus told his disciples in John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants…instead, I have called you friends.” This is foundational. We cannot have a deep, spiritual friendship with anyone if we do not know Jesus as Friend first. In fact, if we try to find our meaning and our value in our human friendships, rather than in the Savior, we will end up disappointed and disillusioned.

Second, we must realize that friendship ought not to be self-focused. 1 Corinthians 10:31 reminds us “Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” Even our friendships are to be lived out for God’s glory.

So how do we do that? Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly…” In order to develop new friends, and deepen existing friendships, we need to reach out first. Instead of waiting for others to reach into our lives and bless us, we ought to focus on how we can be a blessing to others first. This can be scary, because it involves opening ourselves up to others. But fear is the enemy of friendships. 1 John 4:18 tells us, “There is no fear in love.” If we are willing to put aside our self-focus, to love others and minister to others, the fear will be driven away. “Perfect love drives out fear.”

I’m challenging myself to move deeper in my friendships this year. I want to grow deeper in that foundational Friendship first of all, but also in my other friendships. Would anyone else like to take up that challenge with me?