Friendship

I am blessed to have many wonderful friends. I know a large group of ladies who are strong, Godly, and fun women that I enjoy spending time with. But lately, I’ve been wondering how I can grow even deeper in these relationships. God created us to be relational, and we as women especially desire those personal connections. There are several reasons why I haven’t taken my friendships to a deeper level. One is time. We are all so busy, with our husbands, our kids, our jobs, our church and community activities, that it is difficult to carve out the time to connect deeply with other women. Another reason that I sometimes hold myself at arms’ length from others is fear. I’ve experienced betrayals of friendship in the past, and it is hard to break out of that self-protective mode. Lastly, like many other women, I suffer from a lack of self-confidence. I allow the enemy to convince me that I have nothing to add to the lives of others, so I withdraw.

This is hard for me to write, and put out there for others to see, but I am doing so in the hopes that I am not the only one struggling with this issue. Maybe my struggles can help somebody else who reads this today. I have a feeling that there are quite a few other women out there dealing with this same feeling of loneliness, even in the midst of a crowd.

What does God say about friendship? First, and most importantly, He wants us to be in relationship with Him. Jesus told his disciples in John 15:15, “I no longer call you servants…instead, I have called you friends.” This is foundational. We cannot have a deep, spiritual friendship with anyone if we do not know Jesus as Friend first. In fact, if we try to find our meaning and our value in our human friendships, rather than in the Savior, we will end up disappointed and disillusioned.

Second, we must realize that friendship ought not to be self-focused. 1 Corinthians 10:31 reminds us “Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” Even our friendships are to be lived out for God’s glory.

So how do we do that? Proverbs 18:24 (NKJV) says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly…” In order to develop new friends, and deepen existing friendships, we need to reach out first. Instead of waiting for others to reach into our lives and bless us, we ought to focus on how we can be a blessing to others first. This can be scary, because it involves opening ourselves up to others. But fear is the enemy of friendships. 1 John 4:18 tells us, “There is no fear in love.” If we are willing to put aside our self-focus, to love others and minister to others, the fear will be driven away. “Perfect love drives out fear.”

I’m challenging myself to move deeper in my friendships this year. I want to grow deeper in that foundational Friendship first of all, but also in my other friendships. Would anyone else like to take up that challenge with me?

Walkin' Down the Heavenly Road

Walkin’ down the heavenly road, I’m gonna lay down my heavy load,
‘cause Jesus said He’d walk along with me. Praise God! Glory, hallelujah!
I’m singin’ all the way; I’ve got sunshine in every day.
So why not come along and join me walkin’ down the heavenly road?

We used to sing that happy little chorus in prayer group when I was in college. It’s got a catchy tune, and upbeat lyrics, and was a general favorite on campus. But it’s not altogether true, is it? I suppose we are, figuratively, walking on a heavenly road, but it’s not all sunshine and singing along the way. The counterpoint to this song is found in Psalm 23:4, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” Some days are sunshine and singing, sure. Other times and seasons feel more like the valley of the shadow. The important part, though, is that He is there, walking with us, through all of it.
It’s interesting to me that we refer to a relationship with God as a “walk.” We get that from Scripture itself, of course. Throughout the Old Testament, the righteous are described as those who “walked” in the ways of the Lord. And in the New Testament, we are instructed to “walk” in the light. I think that Scripture uses the word “walk” so much because our relationship with God is not static. There is momentum involved. We are in motion, pressing toward a goal, as the apostle Paul might say (Phil. 3:14). And walking along with us, in good times and bad, is our Savior. As the song says, “Praise God! Glory, Hallelujah!”

Fear

For God has not given us a spirit of fearfulness, but one of power, love, and sound judgment. 2 Timothy 1:7

Fear is an insidious thing. I haven’t written anything new in months, and I can make excuses, and blame the business of life, or I can be honest and admit that I’ve been fearful. I’ve been fearful of having nothing to say, or of not being able to artfully express what I do have to say. I don’t even know who, if anyone, reads what I write, but I’ve still been fearful of what others might think of me. It looks silly when I type it all out like that. Self-centered and foolish. But it’s the truth, and this fear has kept me from doing what I know God wants me to do, which is to write. It’s not often that I know for sure what God wants me to do. I believe He gives me a lot of freedom to choose what I want to do in my life, where I work, and where I live, for example. But when it comes to where I fit in the body of Christ, and what ministry He has given me to do, I know for sure that He wants me to write. This became clear to me over a year ago, and I pursued it eagerly at first. But then I let fear creep in. The enemy whispered in my ear that I’m not a good enough writer, and that I’m not a good enough Christian to write devotions for women. And I’m not. That much is true. But I let the enemy twist that truth, the simple truth that I am not perfect, and turn it into shame and fear. In reality, no one is “good enough,” but God still wants to use us anyway. In fact, it seems He delights in using “the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty.” (1 Cor. 1:27)
Today I am making a new commitment to pursue this ministry that I believe God has called me into. I will not allow fear, and a shallow, self-centered fear at that, to keep me from doing what I know I need to be doing. My ministry may not affect many people, but since God called me to do it, I know He has a purpose for it.

The Lord is my light and my salvation,
Whom should I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life,
Of whom should I be afraid?
Psalm 127:1